LGBT:Does the love of my life HAVE to decide between me and his boyfriend or can he successfully have us both?

I have posted many questions concerning a couple named Luis and Sergio that I've been sexually involved with. We started out as friends and then we started having threesomes. Eventually, Luis and I started sleeping together without Sergio being present. Making love, talking and spending time together eventually made Luis and I fall in love. I've been in love before but Luis is the first guy who loved me the way ';correct way';. My ex treated me like crap for the on-and-off seven years we've been together. I'm been over him for a while now.





With Luis, I sometimes had doubts that he really felt the way he felt about me. For one, he's only a year younger than my mother and his daughter is only a year younger than me(though the age difference doesn't matter to me). I'm 21 and perfectly legal. He has been with Sergio for the past twelve years. I often feared that one day, he'll ';come to his senses'; and give me the boot, which WILL indeed break my heart. I started to wonder. Does he love me like he says he does? Does he even care? But last week, Luis and I were alone in his house and I worked up the courage to break up with him. I thought I'd rather just get it over with now before I get hurt in the future. I thought he would agree but to my surprise, it actually broke his heart. He told me that he loves me so much in addition to being in love with Sergio. He and Sergio have issues in their relationship but he wants to work them out but he says he cannot accept losing me in the process. I was happy he said that. He also added that Sergio might have feelings for me beyond sex though he's not admitting it. Luis considers me to be a part of them now. He even wants me to move in with them. Luis told me that when Sergio asked if he was in love with me, Luis didn't deny it or own it. So now, Sergio suspects how Luis and I really feel about each other and he's not even acting differently towards me.





I actually feel happy and secure now. I am so in love with this man and I know how much Sergio means to him. I never wanted to hurt Sergio or break them up. I just always thought I would NEVER be his first choice if given an ultimatum, but clearly, Luis doesn't want to let me go. From a third party perspective, you may think its all about sex on their behalf and that i'm just a ';delusional little boy in love'; but I don't think so. Luis can have ANY man he wants if it was all about sex. So, I know I'm not being used for sex. Overall, how good or bad would you say this idea is? any advice?LGBT:Does the love of my life HAVE to decide between me and his boyfriend or can he successfully have us both?
Consenting polygamous relationships can work very well... but any jealousy or discomfort needs to be talked about with all involved and taken into consideration.LGBT:Does the love of my life HAVE to decide between me and his boyfriend or can he successfully have us both?
You would need to talk with Sergio about it. If all of you are willing, then there is nothing wrong with it. I know a trio who has been together for many years.
so......................


is this a 3-way relationship?


or do you just want a relationship with Luis?





My opinion: Luis will not choose you, if you ever gave an ultimatum. Older people tend to give tremendous value and respect to history and sentimentality....don't underestimate that. Sergio would win if it ever came down to that, FYI. so honestly you should be happy with the status quo be happy you are important to Luis and leave it at that. Don't worry about who comes 1st.
Actually, yes! This is very possible! You are investigating a polyandrous (many husbanded) relationship. The feelings between the participants vary in such a relationship. Some are more ';in love'; with each other than with others in the same relationship. However, all participants agree that they wish to be in such a relationship. I have been in polyandrous relationships nearly all of my life, right now there are three of us, but we've had as many as six. My number one and I have been together for five years at the moment. Good luck!


Auntie Kookoo
Well, if you are happy with this 'arrangement' what am I to say?





But personally, I think you are being used by both of them. Luis is obviously an expert at toying with your emotions and telling you what you want to hear, and you are obviously too much in 'love' to see it. And they had to step up their game to make you stay, so now Sergio is part of the act.





Where is this 'relationship' headed, as far as you're concerned? What's your future in this?





Or are you going to waste your youth playing sex toy to two older men, only to lose them both in the end anyway?
For me i've always considered a relationship a 2-way thing. Not 3-way. I feel like you're settling with Luis because you don't want to lose him, but I know you don't want to have to split his love either.





I seriously think you need to end it with Luis, you need to tell him that you can't be with him as long as he's with Sergio. If he doesn't chase you, seriously he isn't worth it in the long run anyways.





You should find someone that wants YOU and only YOU.
Oh Nef,


*sigh





You really aren't going to learn are you? You just don't get it, I'm not trying to be the bad guy here but there is something you need to understand in a threesome. They have been together for a long time, if you truly think that Luis would pick you over Sergio......





You know what, you've been asking for advise on this situation for a while now and a few of us have given you pretty good advise but of course it wasn't what YOU wanted to hear. So you know what Nef, do yourself a favor, the real reason you're not asking Luis for an ultimatum is because deep down you know for a fact he won't choose you and that would wake you up real quick on this whole thing.


So do what you have to do Nef, do what Nef wants. But for one minute, just one minute, put yourself in Sergio's shoes.





Like I said before, I've been in this situation and I know what I'm talking about.


Good luck.
I would ditch this situation/relationship or w/e you want to call it. If I'm not first, then he doesn't deserve me because he's first to me. Simple as that. No mutuality then so be it.
Be careful. I know that it feels right and you definitely seem to love each other, but in relationships it is really easy for someone to feel hurt or left out, especially when there are more than two people. But if you are careful and always try to be attentive to the needs of the group as a whole as well as the individuals I think it will be just fine.
You're setting yourself up for heartache. You can do better than being a third wheel. You're worth so much more than that.
It's called polyamory. The only way to maintain it is communicate, communicate, communicate. I know lots of poly folk who have thriving, happy relationships with multiple partners.





Anything is possible - good luck!