Please help - how do you fall out of love with someone?

If you don't care about the insignificant dramas of a perfectly average human being, don't bother.



This is certainly not just some typical crush. It's a hopeless, mindless, selfless waste of energy. I've tried everything - talking myself out of it, trying to reason, trying to make myself love someone else, but I can't. I've tried to find huge flaws in him and have failed miserably. And I can't avoid him; we're in a situation in which that's impossible. I've even tried doing nothing at all - and that obviously hasn't worked, either.



Any responses are warmly appreciated. This is wasting my life away and taking my focus away from other things that I try to believe are more important.Please help - how do you fall out of love with someone?
In my experience, it is extremely rare for somebody to actually be in your stated situation. However, again in my experience, it is far from rare for someone to describe the situation they are in as you have done. It is reasonably common for someone to sincerely believe that they are hopelessly in love with someone who pays them no romantic heed.



This means that, in all probability, the person who so strongly attracts you is also attracted to you. It also may mean that this person is as concerned as are you about the 'impossibility' of the feeling, and is trying hard to cease feeling this way.

Further, I suspect that you would answer as I am doing were someone to ask of you the question you ask.



Unless somebody is quite 'unusual', the cliched 'unrequited love' scenario very, very rarely comes about. Most of us have a strong self-preservation facet of our personality that only allows us to 'fall in love' if some chemistry has prompted us to. That does not mean that sometimes love never BECOMES unrequited, however.



It is quite possible to respond to a fleeting sign of 'interest', an interest sparked only by habit perhaps, an interest that dissipates quite rapidly, and, in this situation, the love one is left with IS actually 'hopeless'. Here, you will have slightly misinterpreted the man's interest, but you are most unlikely to have imagined an interest that did not exist at all.



Little, if any, of this is done at an intellectual or conscious level. It frequently appears that one has 'fallen in love' by sheer chance, particularly if you have an ego well in control. I truly believe that sheer chance almost never is involved.



Usually, once this latter situation is acknowledged, the love will die away quite quickly. If it does not, it can be a bitter period of ones life, and it has been known to last for years.



A girlish crush - typically directed toward a pop-star - is quite different to the feeling you have, I would imagine. Your very language as you describe the situation is far removed from one at the stage where a crush is formed, and you also seem to be very self-aware.



You have probably responded to a man who felt (feels) an interest in you, (a man who may not be completely happy in his marriage), but you are left with a very vexing emotional situation, and he may not be. I do hope that a resolution appears quickly, one way or another.



Edit. There is a powerful relationship already. The man, not atypically, has somehow managed to sublimate his delight in you, perhaps, but rapport as you describe is found ONLY amongst those with love for each other.

( I only 'know' this because I am similarly involved with someone. The sense of 'hopelessness' lasts, but the sublimated relationship CAN become far deeper and far more beautiful than a more 'normal' one. With an art as immense as music to serve as a substitute for an orthodox romance, it is easy to see why this can be so...)Please help - how do you fall out of love with someone?
Only the time helps to forget
Time away from that person heals.BOTTOM LINE!!!
what you need to do is stay as far away from him as possible even if you would die to see him.

you need to get your mind on a big project of some kind.don't give your mind time to think about him.

when i LOVED this guy and could not get my mine off of him, this is the plan i use.i call it my ';get over boy fast'; plan.i hope this helped!!



-luna
Yikes Rachy, (pun?, pun?...maybe). Well, it sounds to me like this is one of those mind over matter roadbumps in life. Either you're trying to find a way out of this relationship and can't, or your question is more or less rhetorical and the real quest is for reassurance. Since you're seeing the negative effects on your mind and in other areas of life, then something has to change with this relationship. Either you need to reevaluate your goals with him and decide on less time spent together etc., or you should break up. I say break up with him...and commit to that decision. Since you said you have to be around this guy (maybe work or something), you'll have to just be that much stronger and more resolute in your decision. Sorry for the bad news, but that's the answer I came up with. Take charge, you got this! Good luck!