(10points) Is the man I'm in love with emotionally abusing me?

Last year I met an incredibly strange and mysterious man. He's 31, and I'm 20. We quickly became close friends, and then lovers. He left his girlfriend and moved into my neighborhood. Every night before he goes off to bed in his apartment, he drives down to have dinner with me for an hour.





He's a business man and is always at the office, but he sees me as often as he can.





For a year, he filled me with sweet promises and plans of marriage. However, he always had excuses as to why we shouldn't be ';boyfriend/girlfriend';, and why we have to stay in secret. He was afraid that people might look down at him about the age difference, he thought he wasn't good enough...bla bla bla. Recently, he admitted that he's just ';not ready to be committed to me.';





This man has been making love to me with his words and his body now for a year, and now suddenly he's not ';capable of being in it romantically';?





So no one knows about us. He pretends like we barely know eachother when we're hanging out with mutual friends...but then every evening he comes and smiles and hugs me and tells me he loves me. It's so confusing. When I press him and tell him he needs to get his act together, he gets angry and says that he already gives me as much time of his day that he can (which is the 1 hour in the evening). He lives a stone's throw away, I can see his parked car whenever he's home, so I know he doesn't go out and sleep with other people. He also says I'm incapable of being sympathetic to his plight, and that he's also in pain. It's hard to be though, when he holds all the power and choice to make me happy in his hands. When I accuse him of not loving me, he looks disgusted and threatens to leave me.





He's offered to cut the sex out completely, many times. He still sticks around when there is no sex. And we have a lot of mutual friends (none of which know of what has been going on between us), and they've all known him for years...and they know he's not married or with anyone.





I am so besotted with him. I can't stop thinking about him. Sometimes I think that he forced me to fall in love with him...because it's almost like I had no choice. I'm completely at his mercy, and I try so hard to break away because whenever he isn't holding me, I feel unloved and ignored by him. I'm so used to being treated like gold by men. In past relationships, men have worshiped the ground I walk on. So it's hurtful to have a guy tell you that he loves you every single night, and then have him ignore you throughout the day and know that he could disappear and no one would even know that we shared something special.





Something about this relationship isn't healthy. I know this. I've tried to break it off several times, but each time he tells me ';we're going to work it out,'; and then I think ';I'll try again.'; He asks me to be patient with him, but I don't know how long I can be before my heart just breaks.





I want to make it work. And he's always willing to love me...he just can't seem able to take it that extra mile and commit to me immediately, even though he always hints that we'll be together in the future.





Help! I need outside input and an outsider's perspective.(10points) Is the man I'm in love with emotionally abusing me?
When a guy says he not good enough for you, BELIEVE HIM!


You're a booty call and you always will be.


He offers to not have sex because he knows you'll reject that.


Age -- smage; he's using you and he doesn't want his friends to meet you because you're not part of his real life.


Don't let him rent any more space in your head, otherwise, he'll rob you of the best years of your life.


If he wants you back, you'll have your power back and you can demand that he meet your standards.


Be your own best advocate.


He's a sleaze and you're not. Redirect your energy towards a man who is good enough for you.


God bless.(10points) Is the man I'm in love with emotionally abusing me?
It's pretty obvious that he's already married and you're the mistress. Maybe you need to open your eyes.
He sounds bipolar :P
this guy is seriously screwing with your head.. if he really loves you, why doesn't he show you every hour of the day, no matter who you're with? age doesn't matter in love. if you truly love someone, you're proud to show it no matter what. this guy sounds a bit strange. i think he knows that you're totally committed to him and will do what he wants, but when you cross him he turns psycho! that just doesn't sound right to me.





next time he says that he's in emotional ruts, sit down and ask him exactly what's wrong. if he loves you and you love him, he'll share with you his feelings, his struggles, his life story. maybe there's a part of him that really is hurt and can't seem to be secure with himself. everyone you know is going through a battle, but you deserve to know what his is about.





if this doesn't work, maybe you talk to a friend of his, as an outside observer, about why your man is the way he is. you don't have to say that you're involved, but you're just curious. maybe they know something about him you don't.





I hope this helped and I hope your situation gets fixed. It's hard being toyed around like this, but you seem like a smart young woman who has her head screwed on right. If he keeps screwing with you, then you have every right to leave him. If any more threatening gets involved, you know that you need to leave. I hope this isn't the case.. good luck.
Every relationship is different, there are reasons that people do certain things in relationships. Its not very clear why if he is so in love with you why he wouldn't just say he doesn't care about what other people think, if the excuse about your age is the truth. This might not be what you want to hear but maybe he is just using you for the emotional benefit you get out of being in a relationship but maybe he is also looking for something more permanent in other people
yES, IM SORRY that im the one to tell you this but yes he is. he has you in the palm of his hands. your eating up all of his crap. Your beautiful and strong and smart and everything takes time. even you recognizing emotional abuse. it started out that way with my mom and then it became physical. short story short she ended up with 63 stitches in her face. don't let it get that far. you hold the power. how? because your a woman, you bring life into this world. without you men are nothing.