What's true love? Is this true love?

I was with a guy when I was 15 he was 19. We loved each other. But he left me because he was a ';gangster and couldn't be in love';. We we're together for 6 months. He was my first boyfriend, first love, I lost my virginity to him. I loved him so much once when we we're making love I looked up and looked into his eyes and I just knew we we're meant to be I can't explain that look..





We broke up got back together..I ended up cheating on him, and I wouldn't leave my boyfriend for him even though I still loved him. He would treat me like sh*t when we got together again.. We never told each other we loved each other but I loved him with all my heart and soul. I'm sure he did too.. But we broke up again because we fought too much about the past...





We went our own ways. I ended up sleeping with 5 other guys, I've had so many boyfriend I can't even remember how many.. Some have told me they're in love with me, but I don't feel the same because I didn't feel for them what I felt for my first love so I leave them and break their hearts and trust me I do.





Now I'm 18. In July I met a guy. We've been ';together'; ever since. I say it like that because he says we're not dating because he never asked me out but it's like if we are we're always together..I started falling for this guy. I told him I loved him. And I do, not the way I loved my first, no doubt about that but I love him.





But my first love walked back into my life. We talked and I saw him two nights ago. It was amazing. He told me he loved me. That he's missed me all this time he still thinks about me. That there has been other women but it hasn't been the same like with me. When he told me loved me he had tears in his eyes and the way he looked at me, I can't explain it. He told me he's going to propose to me. But that please don't mess with him. He said he went back to Cali in the summer and he would wake up happy but there was something missing. I said me messing around but he looked at me and said yes he tried forgetting me but that he can't and he doesn't know why.





And how can I even explain how I felt? To put it simply, I can't. I felt like I would explode with happiness when we kissed. There was so much emotion, not lust because to be honest that's what I was expecting that's what I thought he wanted, to have sex. I began to fall asleep be just sat there stroking my hair looking at me. He told me that it's ok to fall asleep that he would take care of me. But I didn't we just stayed like that for awhile looking at each other lost in our thoughts.





I just want to know..What's true love? How do you know when it's for real?





My mom told me to get to know him again.


My cousin was in shock when I told her, she hated him, but she told me that he sounds serious.


And me? I fell in love with him all over again if that's possible.





I never stopped loving him for a second.


He told me that he's scared. That he wants to be with me more than anything but that he doesn't want me to mess with him. He said he wants to be with me forever but not to start anything again if I'm not serious because he loves me more than anything and if I don't want to try it again then it's ok he's strong.





I want to be with him again more than anything.. But at the same time I feel bad because of my ';boyfriend'; he's the first guy I've actually felt something for since my first boyfriend.





I'm scared, I don't know what to do.


I just know in my heart that me and him are meant to be but I'm scared. What if he hurts me again? What if he decides once again that he's too gangster for love? He admitted that there's detectives going to his house for somethings he did in Cali and he might go back to jail. But he also said that he'll change for me, if I give him another chance he'll make up for all the times he hurt me and he'll change, he'll do anything for me.What's true love? Is this true love?
You need to...Never mind. I am not going to touch this one. Best of luck.