Sunday 21 November 2010

When the love is gone? I have been married almost 6 yrs,,when I met my husband I was crazy about him,,?

Then he changed and fast,,he became mean and never home,,and very very distant. I did file for divorce because my kids and I had had enough. However I did dismiss the divorce because he said he would change and see help. He did for a while,,,but now my heart is not in love with him anymore,,,why did this happen? Has anyone else been through this. I have tried to rekindle the love,,,but i cant. I dont know how to make myself love him again. I dont want to see him hurt,,,but I am so unhappy and so not in love with him anymore,,,I had been through 5 years of hell with him and his mom,,they were so mean to me and would put me down infront of my kids and everyone around them. But I have tried to get over all the hurt and try to love him again,,,Is this normal to fall out of love? even if you really tried to fall back in love and cant?



I am not a mean person at all and dont want to hurt him. Has this happened to anyone? To go through 5 years of true hell is so hard to forget.When the love is gone? I have been married almost 6 yrs,,when I met my husband I was crazy about him,,?
A true marriage has to have love, otherwise it is just a piece of paper.



What you did happens more often than you think, I did the same thing not once, but twice. I am a slow learner in relationships.



Be the adult you are, pack, move out and file for divorce, and get the divorce. You know you are in a destructive relationship and you are wasting time thinking he will change for the better.When the love is gone? I have been married almost 6 yrs,,when I met my husband I was crazy about him,,?
I think you should try marriage counselling together that might help you work through why you can't love him anymore.
You have to decide, either i say and go on living like this or take a big step and move out. Getting a divorce is tuff, but life with no love sucks.
its never gone, take a vacation together. its still there!!
It is so easy to forgive...the forget part is the problem. It is possible to fall out of love with somebody who has treated you like dirt over and over again. (even if they do change) Because we can't control what our minds think (I know some ppl will probably disagree with me on that but when I ask you, what color the grass is, green comes to mind and you can't trick your mind into thinking something different even if you know the question is coming) I know it is hard but if you stay you are only going to make yourself even more miserable. I wish you luck sweetie! Do what is in the best interest of you and your children.
Maybe he is going through something. Six years is not a long time. Yes people do fall in and out of love but that is why the vows say for better and for worse. Unless there is abuse or infedelity, divorce is not an option. Try couples counseling.
If you want to love your husband again, you need to understand what he truly needs to be happy. Then... give it to him. ';Being in love'; means giving. The more you give, the more you will love.



When you say you don't love him anymore, what you are really saying is that you don't want to give to him anymore. The way to change this is by making yourself give to him, eventhough you don't feel like it.



When someone does something special for you and you get that warm fuzzy feeling... that feeling is called appreciation, not love. The person on the giving end is feeling the love.



Peace in your home is not going to exist through a lack of problems but a multitude of solutions.



You and your husband need to communicate your needs to eachother and force yourselves to give to the other. Love is the joy resulting for the act of giving. This has to be done by both of you for it to work.
Don't try to make him happy ! He put YOU through hell ! (your own words ). Getting back together will NOT bring back the love ! Find someone who loves you AND your kids ,and gives ALL of you the respect youns deserve ! You have tried . It is NOT your fault ! But unfortunately ........ you CANNOT change someone else , unless they want it as badly as you do , and seek help on their own , because THEY want to , not because YOU want them to ! Until then , stay away from him ! Your kids (and you ) don't need to be subjected to that ! They may grow up thinking it is NORMAL to treat a woman like that , because '; MOMMY '; let him stay ! Run ! Run as fast as you can , and don't look back ! It'll be ok ! Good luck !
You sound like me. My ex and I were married for 6 years before we were divorced. That's been almost 2 years ago. He never cheated, I never cheated, We would fight over the craziest things, we just grew apart... I often wonder (to this day) how much different my life would be if i would have stayed. Divorce is the hardest thing I have ever been through in my life. Now, the only thing I miss is being married, It tears the kids lives into. I think things were not really that bad... I guess you take yourself out of a situation, it's better to weigh out the pros and cons.



Here are some things for you to try.

1. Make a list of things you love about other

2. Make a list of things you would like to see changed

3. GO OUT WITHOUT THE KIDS, this one is vital

4. Never talk about things when you are angry BUT.

5. Never go to bed angry with the other, that is what will kill your marriage.
After all the hurt that you've been through behind your husband and his mother, it's a wonder your still around.



For five years you took the abuse and now you are ready to put this all behind you and move on, which is very good for you. But whatever decision you make, PLEASE pull yourself up from all the mental abuse that your husband put you through so you can heal and become complete.



Good luck.

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