Sunday 14 November 2010

A guy who I fell in love with - online, found out the pictures I used were fake! How can I make amends?

For years, I have been using fake pictures of this one girl to meet and talk to new people online. I am a very self conscious overweight 21/f and wanted to feel what it was like to not be judged by your weight and to feel pretty. In December, I met this amazing guy. He was so different. Very sensitive and genuine; not the most attractive guy, but a very good heart. He hasn't had too many relationships and told me that he knows I am the one. He thought he would never find a girl like me that he was able to be himself around and joke with and just love everything about the way we talked to eachother. He even said 'i dont care if you're 400 pounds, I love you so much'. Well, the other day his friends, who constantly told him i was fake but he refused to believe them, found something online with my real pictures and my name and the school i went to so I knew I had to fess up. He didn't even look at what his friends found because he believed me and didn't want to know the truth I'm assuming. Well, I couldn't take it anymore. I IMed him and told him 'it's true, those aren't my pictures'. All he said was 'wow' and 'bye' and blocked and deleted me on everything. I've deleted my fake profiles since then and have been trying to talk to him. All i get are texts saying how i'm a sick person and how could i make him fall in love with me and lie to him.





I really do love him so much. He is my soulmate. If only I were that girl, we would be together forever. I want him so bad and I don't know what to do. I just want him to talk to me. I am so embarassed for what I did. I know he would never be interested in me in real life. I'm just too fat. I hate myself sometimes. I've recently got weight loss surgery, so hopefully I'll be thin and confident with myself soon. Either way, i need this guy back in my life.





Please some good advice is realllly needed.





Note: I AM DONE USING FAKE PICTURES. I have deleted all the acounts and want to start fresh. A horrible ending always has a fresh beginning. I just want him back in my life. He means so much to meA guy who I fell in love with - online, found out the pictures I used were fake! How can I make amends?
Look, what you did was wrong--you know that.





The fact is that there's likely nothing you can do to fix this. You lied to this boy about what/who you were and now you have to deal with the consequences. Not to mention that you humiliated him.





So.... stop thinking about YOUR feelings and respect the fact that you caused someone else a great deal of pain and let him go.





What you have to do for yourself is see a professional psychologist. Anyone who does what you did has serious self-esteem issues and should speak to a professional.





Good luck and I hope one day you're able to be proud of who you are.A guy who I fell in love with - online, found out the pictures I used were fake! How can I make amends?
wake up
Once a fake always a fake, Knock off the bullshit there is allot of guys that actually like chubby chicks they just don't admit it. Meeting people online is bullshit.
If he wouldn't be interested in you for who you really are, he isn't your soulmate, he was only your alterego's soulmate.
you're screwed.
maybe if you can go back and retrive the messages he sent you and begin sending them back to him it may remind him that even if the pictures were un true that the personality and emotion were truely you. Let him know that he fell in love with the real you just not the one he sees with his eyes but with his heart.


Good luck to you and a fresh begining
Tell him if he feels it's over that it's over but you are completely in love with him and that you just needed confidence. If he really loves you he would let you go.
Sorry, hon, but you can't claim that this guy is your soulmate when you didn't (and still don't) trust him enough to love you for who you are. And because you didn't give him that chance, now he can't trust that anything you told him is true. All you can do is apologize, give him space, and hope he can find it in his heart to forgive. I also hope your surgery also involves a therapy component, so you can stop projecting your own feelings about your weight on to other people. Trust me, your insecurities don't magically go away with the pounds.
You should have known lying would eventually catch up with you. What did you expect him to say, that all was forgiven? Everything he THOUGHT he knew about you is based on a lie.





Leave him alone. If he decides he wants to talk to you again, he'll contact you.
You want him back and he means so much to you ...





It's your fault you are in this position. Learn from it and move on.





I don't mean to sound harsh but you really caused your own problem.





Be glad this happened before it could have been in real life. At least you were spared the worst of it by it being on line. In your heart of hearts you know this day was coming. You fed him a line and expected him to forget your ability to lie to get what you want. People do not want to be lied to. He would not be able to trust you again now so let it go.





There are lots of guys out there who are worth the effort .. but be honest from the start.
Once destroyed trust is almost impossible to restore. Also, no matter how great you think he is, neither one of you have the faintest idea what love means, he fell in love with a photo and you fell in love with someone you never met. Now you need to move on, work on yourself and start meeting people face to face, online is bad most of the time because it's all fake.
It may not be about how you really look -- in that position, I wouldn't consider continuing anything with that person, simply on the principal that they claim to be ';in love'; with me yet can't even tell me what they really look like, until they have no choice.








You were rude, immature, selfish, and there is no advice I can offer you. You were naive and immature in the first place, and it honestly doesn't sound like you have changed.
I understand you wanting to use fake pictures, but if someone can't love you for you, they are not worth it. Someone who really loves you will love the whole package, inside and out. While his trust may have been broken, he didn't really love you. He just loved the thought of loving you. If he really loved you, how you look wouldn't have mattered to him. Besides, how do you know his pictures aren't fake either. Someone who truly loves you, loves you for the whole package, not just your looks. Realize that no matter what weight you are, you are beautiful and deserve someone who will love you as you. (No matter your size). You say, ';If only I was that girl'; but your not that girl. You are you. You have no need to feel ashamed of who you are, be proud of who you are!! We are all unique. If anyone made you feel ashamed of who you are, shame on them. If it would help you, talk to someone about how you feel about yourself, but find the good within. I have never nor never will be ';model'; thin but I am proud of who I am. You will find your ';true soulmate'; and they will love you for the whole package. My husband loves me for the whole package just as I love him as the whole thing. People who truly love each other don't ditch each other based on looks. Yes you lied to this guy and he feels like he can't trust you anymore. But if he really truly loved you, he should have asked you why you did it and talked with you about it. If he really wanted this relationship, he would have worked at it with you. You deserve better, keep looking for your soulmate. You never know where you could find it.
Ever hear the saying,';what a tangled web we weave when we try and deceive';? It makes a lot of sense,doesn't it? Ok,so let's look at the facts here.What you did was deceitful.You aren't the first person that has done this but what you did was to lead him on.Most people tell people the things that they think that they want to hear.Well known fact.For every action there is a consequence.So you got carried away in the moment and enjoyed all the attention but in reality all of this was just a charade.You can't blame the guy for being hurt for you deceiving him.It's my personal feeling that you don't need a man to define you.So many girls grow up to think that someone is going to take care of them for the rest of their lives.The best thing that you can do for yourself is get an education and start thinking as to what you'd like to do with your life as far as a career.You need to be self sufficient to be able to support yourself.You mentioned that you recently had weight loss surgery,for that I commend you.I think that what you need to do now is focus on yourself.I'm sure as the weight starts to come off you'll start to feel better as well as gaining more self confidence in yourself.You have your whole lifetime ahead of you to have a relationship with that special person.No one can say that they've found their soul mate,especially on the internet.The best relationships start off as being best friends and after a while down the road they can turn into something deeper.Honesty is always the best policy! I'm not trying to lecture you but I am trying to give you some insight.As far as the guy is concerned,what's done is done.There's nothing you can do to resolve this.I suggest that you set a goal as far as working on yourself.If your not truly happy with yourself,you can't be happy with someone else.I'm sure your not ugly,just think how good you will feel and proud of yourself when you drop the weight.You can go out and buy new clothes,get yourself a new hairstyle and the possibility's are endless.I think that you've learned your lesson as far as deceiving.You need to have self respect,be positive and focus on your goal.No one can do that for you,except yourself.People go through relationships like they go through a box of kleenex.You need to get your priorities straight and take things from there.I wish you luck and if any thing I hope I've opened your eyes so that you see the light.Good luck to you.
Clue:





If he was in love and had never met you .......





If he was your soul mate, but you never even met face to face .....





If he reacted so badly and severed all connections . . . . .





This equals a man in search of a woman he can manipulate and use ....a guy who wasn't really being truthful about his intentions ... but was just looking to get laid by the girl in the pictures.





You really don't want this guy .....You need a real man.





Answer to your problem: Be your self ..... love you for how you are, then you can love another person and can be loved in return.





Life lesson ... you now have this t-shirt ... move on.
that is a big lie now he can no longer trust you that is why from day one you have to be yourself.





how do you think he would react when you told him. no one is going to be open arms even if you did a pic of a larger woman and were some hot thin girl he fell in love with a person and image. and that grows your entire relationship was based on a lie so why should he trust you








move on and start being the big beautiful woman you are.
He is in love with a creation and imagination.. You are in love for the sake of being in love... to carrying on that long is foolish.. He will never trust and or really you.. I know that is hard to hear but you lied and gave him false visions of who you were. He was also thinking with his ';little head'; not heart.. So forget it...chalk it up to lessons learned. Get a better sense of self worth and present the person you are -not how you want to be seen....Good luck
You cannot build a loving relationship on lies.





End of advice.
Well I know you realize it know but that was SO the wrong thing to do! second of all I know EXACTLY how you feel about being self conscious and all that stuff I am 23 overweight and I hate how I look but I went to plentyoffish.com and put actual pictures up and you know what? I met the man of my dreams about 2 months later and we have been together for almost 4 years and about to get married!





so you know what there are men out there that will love you for who you are and I think that if you find someone that will love you when you cannot love yourself that is the kind of person you want!





my advice is to leave this man alone cause he will never forget what you did! find someone who loves you for who you are!
It's okay to use fake pictures, you're just insecure about yourself, don't get all upset about it, you're not the only one using fake pictures in the world.





Now, about your crush. (don't worry, I'm not those kind of people who are judgmental about online dating, I do so myself.)


Anyway, in my opinion ; What kind of person is he? He said all those things about you two being soul mates, and now, just because he found out those pics weren't you, he decides to throw all of that away? That's horrible.





Try messaging him or talking to his friends %26amp; leave a message;





';Why are you acting this way all of a sudden? Was everything you told me pretty lies? Just because you thought I looked pretty? You told me all those things, and now you're going to throw it all away? I thought you were different. But honestly, I'd like another chance to start fresh.';





Or something like that; you have to be blunt and tell him your thoughts. Don't be afraid.

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