Sunday 14 November 2010

How can I make myself fall back in love.....?

I think i have fallen out of love with my husband (all sorts of problems are in my other questions that you can refer to) How do I make myself fall back in love with him? I think i am at the point where I really just dont care anymore, im tired of him, the crud we go through......everything, but im afraid if i leave it is all gonna be a mistake 6 months down the road, but i dont wanna stay for the wrong reasons.....money, comfort, easy, security of home and bills being paid......i cant stay for that...we also have a daughter, and i probably would've already left if it wasnt for her.....ahhhhh please someone help me!!!! (oh and he was crying last night for me not to leave - he NEVER shows emotions, he hasnt touched me in weeks, and i feel bad he is crying but like i said it may be too late, my heart may have already left.....)How can I make myself fall back in love.....?
Take a private vacation together. Try and let you negative feelings go, and just relax.How can I make myself fall back in love.....?
Oh how I relate to your situation, but do understand alot of women %26amp; men go thru this, some call it the 7 year itch, others may call it boredom, call it what you will or want but the fact of the matter is that you have a child together %26amp; it is her needs %26amp; security that should come 1st over your happiness. %26amp; Before you go %26amp; do anthing drastic, I want you to stop %26amp; make a visual picture in your head of what the future could be like for your daughter if you were to divorce your hubby- #1 you move out, ok, now you are living seperate, in seperate homes, your child has now lost her secure home, #2 of course your hubby will eventually find a new girlfriend, believe me theirs a woman out their for every man, you fell for him so Im sure someone else will? #3 Eventually girlfriend moves in, they shack up, chances are pritty good she will have her own kids, so now your daughter is really confused, as not so long ago she had mom %26amp; dad %26amp; a foundation that was her home. Next thing you know your hubbys girlfriend is calling the shots, you are out, and she is in, %26amp; your child is stuck in the middle of all this disfunction. Trust me this will happen, as history has proved this vicious cycle time %26amp; time again, It may not go down exactly as Ive predicted, but I asure you it will be close. So do what is best for your child, not whats best for your happiness, its called being a mother, sometimes us moms have to put our own wants and needs on hold just to ensure that our children get thier own needs met. Dont throw away a marriage because your heart doesnt skip a beat or two anymore %26amp; you dont have the sexual desire that you once had, as these things will happen in your next relationship as well, as its not the man you married who is the problem, only the woman who married the man, take a look in the mirror %26amp; you will see the problem, it is you! Get some help for yourself %26amp; find out what you can do to make you happy, as no other person or thing can do this, it must come from within you, %26amp; even if you did leave, this doesnt mean you will then be happy, it means you will now be even more unhappy. Good Luck
You cannot force yourself to fall in love someone you are already in love with. Love comes at it's own time, Just give it time. Money, is not all, you can't stay with a man because of his money, you are not happy, and that's now becomes a problem.There is now a child, you have to think about that, in the same breathe think about what is it you want for you. Give the counseling a little more time, it may not help how you are feeling, but how to work things out that your child does not the not so good end of the stick. Things will work out for the best. Have faith and pray about it.
The same thing is happening to me. I finally confessed to my husband that if I were to come back the only reason would be cuz of my insecurities of the real world. I'm scared to be alone, I'm scared I can't support myself and the kids, I'm scared I won't find someone to accept me w/ 3 kids, I'm scared of the real world.





I am putting my insecurities behind me. I am gonna be as strong as I possibly can and for once in my life worry about me (and my kids of course). I am like u, the love is gone, I even questioned the fact if the love was ever real. I don't believe it was. I may be selfish for thinking this way but u know what, once in my life I have to do what makes me happy. I'm tired of worrying about how others feel about what I am doing. If they don't like it then they can turn their heads and choose not to see.





My husband never cried until now. Do I feel bad? Of course, but that will not change my mind. He should have thought about them tears years ago when he first knew of the problem.





Like they say, u don't know what u got til it's gone, my husband found that out. Next time he'll open his eyes to what is in front of him rather than expect it to always be there!





So, how to fall back in love w/ him? U can choose to but it's something u can only do and noone can convince u to do it. Do what feels right for u. Don't be scared there are many people out there going thru the same thing. Good luck!





EDIT: Counseling did not work for us either. All they said is I have been depressed. I was, when I was w/ him. In all honesty I have never felt more alive since that first day I told my husband I wanted a divorce.
If you want to fall back in love that means your heart hasn't really left yet. If you can get him to cry maybe there is still some hope.





Counselling will not work if you do not TALK. The point of going to a counsellor is to TALK. If you are worried about talking about him abusing you, there is nothing that can be done unless you decide to press charges so talk about that if that is the case. The only thing that the counsellor can go over your head to do is if your children are being abused he would be obligated by law to call CPS but I am sure you would not try to hide that. Any other illegal activities I'm not sure. But if that is the case maybe thats more reason for you to leave before things get messy with the law.





Maybe he has not touched you in weeks because he can sense that your heart is not there and he does not want it to come down to just sex. Think about your present feelings, how would you have reacted if he had tried to touch you. Maybe he's just trying to show a little respect.





Have you considered that in addition you could do counselling on your own. MAYBE there are issues that you need to deal with before you are really able to improve your relationship.





I would never encourage you to leave your husband, BUT after you have tried everything and nothing works, it is O.K to walk away. He can still be a father and you may be able to still be friends. Be good to YOU, WALK AWAY if you have to.
You need to take time for each other, alone time. You do still love him, you can tell by your words. Fina cal is the biggest break up of a marriage.





Spend time together, you make the first move go up and just hug him, tell him you love him. Even if he pushes you away. He maybe feeling that he failed you, and that is why he pushes you away. He may also feel that he does not have the support of the most important person in the world to him, which is you. If the wife no longer shows love then the man has failed. If he knows his wife loves him doesn't demean him, and supports him he can do anything.
Counseling is USELESS if you are not honest. If you want to continue the marriage...get honest. It is confidential. It is entirely possible to fall in and out of love in a marriage...in fact, I think it'd NORMAL. Long term marriages, and I was married for 39 years before my husband died last year, take work and effort and acceptance. Good luck to you both.
You have to put away all the bad stuff and think back -way back to when you two were dating. What was it that you loved back then? His sense of humor? What was it that attracted you in the first place? Try to remember those days and maybe you will find what you need there.
Open your heart. Seek more marriage counselling. Date eachother again.Spend more time getting to know eachother all over again





If your feelings are gone the book is closed - it's hard to open it back up again.





If it's gone let it go otherwise you're going to hurt more and more each day.
You can't make yourself feel ways that you don't feel, but you can remember that you did feel that way and begin to remove the crud and problems to see if the love is still there like it was before. Counseling, couples or alone would definitely be in order, and start to list things you fell in love with him about, things you enjoy about him and try to put the problems aside and look at who he is as a man today, and who you are as a woman. Can you pull that together into a good marriage? Only you can decide, but it's worth the effort as most times, you still love the person but don't feel it because the problems have diverted your attention away from the more positive feelings.
You can't make yourself fall back in love with him...Sometimes we end up married to the wrong person..
If you feel you are at the last resort, then go to a marriage counselor. There both of you can talk about the issues with someone who is objective and may shed some light on to the problem. At least you can give this a shot. The counselor may have some good ideas on how to refresh your love for one another.
Sometimes we allow things to become routine in our marriages. We go to work ,come home, cook, watch tv, rarely talk to each other, ect ect. The first thing to do is to break that cycle if you're in it. Ask your husband out on a date with out the baby, that will allow you guys to get reacquainted and remember what made you fall in love with each other in the first place. Make spending time together as well as having some ';me'; time a weekly thing. If you guys are having money problems, which is a big demon in a marriage, keep in mind that you can only do the best and the most with what you have and drifting apart won't help, it will only make matters worst. Your child is the product of the love that you all share, it's just suppressed right now. And believe it or not prayer is also a way to the solution ,so, stay prayerful and faithful and if you really want your marriage to work, work hard at it. Good luck!!
Thats sad. You need counceling, as does he. How can you make yourself fall back love? It all starts with good vibrations if you know what I mean.
Listen, I think only your husband can make you fall in love again, my opinion. you seriously need to have a talk. i think maybe he has problems expressing himself, i have been that way, still that way. but trying to deal with it. most guys have that problem. you should give him a chance, if it recurs then you can do something. best of luck!
It's your choice, sometimes friendship is good enough, I call it life.
go to a marriage counselor and try to reunited the spark that has died out. It not hard, just act like you did, when you two first started dating.
Believe and pray to God.





It starts with you, even if you don't want to look at it that way. Forget what your husband is doing or not doing and focus on you. If you really want it.......................God will make it happen for you.
Go Off Somewhere ALONE !! Just You! Do some Soul searching. Follow your Heart. But use your Head too. Don't do anything you may regret. But you must be Happy w/ yourself before you can make anyone else around you Happy as well (including your daughter.). Life is too short to be so unhappy. Good Luck !!!
Love istelf is a word that sums up a lot of individual things - faith, hope, fun., friendship, money, sex, honesty, trust, romance etc etc.





I suggets you write down a list of what things make up what you think ';love'; is. When you look down that list you will be able to identify the components that need fixing and the two of you - Togetehr - can look at fixing them.





Trust me on this - you have a daughter and your husband love syou - and you owe it to your daughter to do the very best you can to make your marriage a happy one.





It sounds like a large part of this is that you are unhappy with yourself as well, and he is unhappy with himself, so you do need to look at how you can both improve your own self esteem.





If you leave your husband I can pretty much guarantee you will be far less happy than you would be if you stayed and worked on your marriage - and if you ever do find someone else odds are he'll be just like your husband in the end.





Try Relate's online service.





It sounds like you have lost hope - try looking up at the sun and not down at the shadows. Start by looking for the good things - however small they are, and drawing his attention to them. Build up that romance bank!!





Good luck!
you have to speak openly in the concealer's office to get IT all out there until you do you can't move forward.


P.S. love is not always worm fuzzy feeling that's just the first part there are 2 more that follow, LOVE is a commitment and a choice you make
Don't leave unless you have a basis for that, like infidelity on his part or you are being physically abused or feel your daughter is being physically abused.





If you leave the financial security where you are and end up in a shelter somewhere or on the street, your possibilites for a very difficult life for you and your daughter are very real. If nothing else think of your daughter right now. You might look back in two years while you are working your tail off to keep your head above water and to keep a roof over your heads and realize that those ';security';, ';bills being paid'; and other things you walked out on were very important.





There are probably a number of women reading this that would love to just have the financial security you don't seem to value.





Get some help. Counseling is a great idea. Go yourself if your husband won't go with you. If he has expressed emotion wanting you to stay then stay. If he had said, ';Go if you want to go'; that might make things different. He has shown emotions and fear of loss. You are loved! You just did not know it - maybe he did not show it very well but you are loved. Stay and make a go of it.





After you get over the first few months and years of romance Love is a decision of the will. The ';Fall in Love'; idea is for high schoolers and romance novel readers.





My wife and I will be married 34 years this year. The mushy gushy love has long since gone but we have a wonderful life together. The love is still there but different. We think of what our expectations were for love in marriage were and how childish they were. We now have a much deeper love that is born out of respect, humor, and enjoyment of each other.
Sometimes you try and try and try ... after a while you r done ... I did this for years . Now I've lost everything ... For what ... nothing... !! It was for something ... to get ';ME ';back ....Ya know what ...ya learn the only thing that matters are those that love you ... I finally saw he didn't love me ... and I'm happy now ... Now I will go for my dreams ...not his !!
I am going through the same thing except it was my husband who left and said his heart isn't here anymore. It is a hard hard decision to make, but ask yourself if you still have any feelings or love for him deep inside. All relationships have there problems of course, but you can't force yourself to love someone. Remember the qualities and good things about him that made you fall in love with him in the first place, then ask yourself is it really worth it? Way all options write down the good and the bad on a piece of paper then talk to your husband about them. Make him do the same thing if he is willing. Take if from me, once you leave your eyes will open up. I know after my husband left me, my eyes opened up and I see what I caused him. Hang in there if you need someone to talk to email me. Take care of yourself first!
STAY WITH HIM!!! he has MONEY!!!! thats a good thing!
Wow, crying over a woman?? Are there no more real men in this world?





Quick, divorce the crybaby for tearing up over something so trivial!!1
BAD NEWS you can't control love, you can't force yourself to fall in love. The circumstances don't matter one bit, no sex,


no love, religion, no money, race, boredom,etc., etc.. Those are all just excuses. Welcome to marriage hell and reality. The second both of you said ';I do'; your loving relationship was over and you were no longer in love. Some people realize this in weeks and get divorced other lie to themselves for years. You just realized it!!! Marriage even destroys soul mates. Take an honest look at all the married couples you know!?? Are any of them still truly ';in love';!??! NO and most of them are miserable enduring life instead of enjoying it. If you are ever lucky enough to fall in love again DON'T GET MARRIED!!!

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